Five Things I've Learned from Being a Queer Lingerie Blogger

I realized recently that it’s been more than a year since I started writing a queer lingerie column at The Lingerie Addict. When I started, I had a strong love of lingerie, especially the discount kind. But beyond that, I had very little idea how I was going to make this work. I didn’t think I photographed well and I didn’t know how to write article copy. But oh, so much has changed!... at least, I hope.

I’m about to go back to school, so my work at TLA will be slowing down, but not stopping. Since this is a time of transition, I wanted to share a few things I’ve learned this year.

1. It’s scary to put your semi-clothed body on the Internet… but that’s not what I’ve been judged on.

When I first started writing for The Lingerie Addict, people asked me periodically if that meant I got to review lingerie samples. But when I got my first sample for review (thanks, TomboyX!), I realized that the hardest part about getting free lingerie is having to take photos of said lingerie on your actual body. I came out of academia, where the idea of a piece of writing including a partially clothed picture of yourself would be sort of ludicrous. But as I got more comfortable posing for pictures, I got more comfortable being in lingerie in general. On top of that, I worried a lot about displaying my body as a genderqueer person. Would people think I had the “right kind” of body to be genderqueer?

Luckily for me (and everybody, really) Cora has been making it clear for years that she will not tolerate body snark on The Lingerie Addict. And so the few times people have said negative things about me, it’s been about the words. This one time the founder of Homme Mystere said that he didn’t think it was worth it to have a company that catered to the needs of trans women. One trans man said that fancy binders wouldn’t work for anyone because they wouldn’t work for him. On a few other occasions people have rightly called me out for factual inaccuracies. The conversation has never been about my body, which feels... pretty good, actually!

2. People still associate lingerie really strongly with pornography.

I posted an article link on tumblr recently and a commenter wrote that people shouldn’t “be fooled” by the fact that the article was on a lingerie site, because it was still good information. It surprised me at first, but I’ve seen Cora and other lingerie bloggers talk about it a lot now: the persistent expectation that lingerie is always going to be sexy. It’s not that there’s anything wrong at all with overt sexuality. However, it sort of bugs me now when people assume that lingerie talk is inherently sexual, because it feels like part of the unwilling sexualization of women’s interests. If a woman talks about underwear she must be talking about sex. If you talk about sex you must want to have sex. If you don’t want to have sex, you can’t talk about anything fun ever. Ew.

3. And no matter how hard you try to explain a thing, dudes are gonna make it about them.

I’ve been surprised at how many cisgender-identified straight men want to talk to me about their bras. I think that’s okay, except that I’m writing articles about trans and nonbinary people, and these men often want to tell me about how they’re “normal” and “married” and not like me and my friends at all. My least favorite comment was from the guy who told me all about how he has to wear a bra due to a medical problem, and then said that he is a “normal married man” and that “We do not fall into your ‘queer’ group nor do we identify with it.” This is probably the most extreme comment like this, but it’s far from the only one. I directed him to a page of chest binders and called it a day.

4. There’s still not enough good representation of queer people, trans people, and nonbinary folks in the lingerie industry...

Queer and trans people often struggle with isolation and feelings of difference, and seeing yourself represented positively in media can help change that. Real representation also is a direct nope to people who want to pretend queer and trans people don't exist. When I wrote my first article about lingerie for trans women, a guy who runs a business making women’s underwear for cis men told me that trans women were too small of a market to bother with. Without adequate representation, people like him get to keep their opinions and never see them challenged. We’ll also see a better and wider spectrum of lingerie options when queer and trans needs are taken into account, which will be fun for everyone.

5. ...But more and more people are making it their business to fix that.

There is hope. In the last year I’ve gotten to talk to all these great business owners about their plans to make the industry inclusive. Sky Cubacub of Rebirth Garments wrote a manifesto to guide their business’s practices; Jeanna of Bluestockings keeps a blog. Indie lingerie in particular seems to be on the forefront of diversity, with companies like Play Out and Origami Customs debuting small product lines and expanding from there. Most of the people changing the industry right now seem to be women and genderqueer folks, and I couldn’t be prouder. After a year of seeing all of these folks working so hard to make accessible lingerie (or to make lingerie accessible), I’m more in love with the lingerie world than ever.

Happy one year anniversary, everybody! I can't wait to see what we get up to this year.