The Lingerie Addict is a Body Snark Free Zone

Edit: Several bloggers have written to me to ask if they could use the Body Snark Free Zone image on their own sites, and the answer is yes! To get an easily embeddable copy of the image, just go you here: So You Want to Make Your Website a Body Snark Free Zone

Today’s blog post has been four months in the making, pretty much ever since the last article I wrote on body image and body snark back in December. Making a stand on something is always scary, because you never know how people will react. But when something’s been on my mind for a couple hundred days…well, then maybe that means it’s time to say it out loud.

From the very beginning, I’ve wanted The Lingerie Addict to be a place women could find information about lingerie that’s relevant and accessible to them.  I truly believe every woman – no matter her size, age, or budget – deserves gorgeous lingerie, and I want my readers to feel that when they visit.

But lately I’ve learned that being relevant and accessible goes beyond just prices and brands and cup sizes. It also means cultivating a tone on the blog that’s welcoming and inviting. It’s so important to me that The Lingerie Addict is a blog every woman can feel comfortable and safe visiting. And even though my About Page talks about my commitment to inclusivity and polite discourse, I’ve not really been explicit about what that means. And so here it is:

Starting today, The Lingerie Addict is a body snark free zone.

This new direction, if you want to call it that, isn’t a decision I made lightly. I always want people to feel like they’re welcome to comment, even if they disagree with me, but body snark goes beyond a simple difference of opinion and into something that I really cannot, in good conscience, tolerate.

Body snark is bullying.

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that bullying takes many forms, from physical assault to threats and intimidation to social isolation, and some of you reading this may wonder if bullying is too strong a word to use for body snark. But I believe that intentionally making people feel small and awful and ashamed because they have the audacity to be born with a body type you don’t like (in other words, insulting people just for existing) is bullying. And that’s something The Lingerie Addict cannot and will not support, even in a passive way.

Women come in a range of shapes and sizes, and while you don’t have to think they’re all beautiful (people are entitled to their personal preferences after all), this current climate of listing all the ways women’s bodies are ugly and deficient (too much cellulite, too thin, too fat, too many wrinkles, too old, too light, too dark, etc.) is one I can’t get behind.

No one’s body is “wrong” and in need of changing (or hiding) simply because you don’t like it.

Supporting positive body image doesn’t inquire insults. Nor does wanting more diversity in the kinds of bodies shown in the media make putting down someone else’s body type okay. Every woman is living in a world where there are endless articles about how to make your body “better” and next to none about how to love it just the way it is.

I don’t know how this new policy is going to go over. And I’ve prepared myself for backlash if it happens. But I will say that if you feel like our new “no body snark” policy is unfair or like it’s censorship or like you just can’t enjoy The Lingerie Addict anymore because of it…well, we’re probably not the blog for you, and I’m okay with that.

What do you think about us being a body snark free blog? I welcome your thoughts in the comments.

Cora

Cora

Founder and Chief Editor of The Lingerie Addict. I started TLA in small studio apartment in 2008. Since then, my little site has become the leading lingerie blog in the world, and it's been featured in Entrepreneur, Forbes, CNN, Time, Today, and Fox News. I believe lingerie is fashion too, and that every woman deserves gorgeous underpinnings that help her feel comfortable and confident. Body snark free zone since 2012.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusFlickrStumbleUponYouTube

64 Comments

  1. Bravo. We stand 100% behind you. xx

  2. 23/04/12 at 13:10

    Amazing! I definitely support this and your stance! xo!!

    • 24/04/12 at 11:13

      Glad to hear it, Desiree! Thanks for the comment. :)

  3. Becca
    23/04/12 at 13:24

    You are doing the right thing ..

    • 24/04/12 at 11:13

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts, Becca.

  4. 23/04/12 at 13:34

    Definitely 100% OK with that. Like you I really don’t mind disagreement on my blog but insulting someone’s body crosses the line. It hasn’t been much of an issue (only had 1 comment that had to be deleted) but I think it’s important so that women have a safe place to discuss.

    • 24/04/12 at 11:14

      Exactly. Disagreeing with the way the lingerie looks is one thing. Disagreeing with the way someone looks is something else entirely.

  5. 23/04/12 at 13:35

    I applaud your stance.

    For the most part women have to accept the body they’re born with. Sure you can diet, work out, and other things to shape their body. But, end the end, there is just so much that you can do.

    Buying lingerie that accentuates the good parts of your body and hides the bad, is a lot less expensive than have surgeries to shape your body.

    • 24/04/12 at 11:15

      100% agree. Every woman has a natural shape and build and weight range that works best for her. For some, it’s smaller; for some, it’s bigger…but that doesn’t mean either body is wrong or bad.

  6. gettingmomback
    23/04/12 at 13:37

    I say bravo and thank you!

    • 24/04/12 at 11:16

      You’re welcome! Thank you for commenting. :)

  7. 23/04/12 at 13:39

    “No one’s body is “wrong” and in need of changing (or hiding) simply because you don’t like it.”
    This!

    • 23/04/12 at 19:36

      Sadly, I’ve seen people talked into thinking their own body is ‘wrong’ because someone allegedly close to them thinks it is.

  8. 23/04/12 at 13:53

    Well said.

  9. 23/04/12 at 14:08

    Wonderful! I think this is completely fantastic. I applaud you for taking a stand. I’m tired of people being so ruthless when it comes to other peoples bodies. I’m so glad you wrote this.

    xo,
    Em

  10. 23/04/12 at 14:13

    “But I believe that intentionally making people feel small and awful and ashamed because they have the audacity to be born with a body type you don’t like (in other words, insulting people just for existing) is bullying.”

    I hate seeing my beautiful lady friends dissing on other beautiful lady friends–& most of the time, they don’t realize they’re wrong for saying these things. I really hope this attitude catches on.
    Thank you for making this issue so important on your blog.

  11. Cris
    23/04/12 at 14:33

    Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you!
    There are so many places where I can’t win for losing if I post a picture, like pretty much all women – I used to get snarked primarily for “eat a sandwich” and “real women have curves,” now I’m getting snarked for “do some sit-ups!” and if my nefarious plans come to fruition I’ll get snarked for “ew, mannish muscles!”

    I’ll admit, I do have a pretty specific type of women that I’m attracted to, and I do make snap judgements in my head about women who don’t fit my type (though it’s less “she’s icky” and more “she’s beautiful but looks too fragile for my taste”). But I don’t have to say it. No matter how different a woman looks from my ideal or even my idea of health, it isn’t my place to say anything about how she “should” look. I can just hope that she’s happy and be supportive of her.
    It’s good to be reminded of that, and I’m so happy that this will be a place that won’t make me feel bad about my body.

    Thank you.

    • 24/04/12 at 11:19

      Spot on. People are attracted to who they’re attracted to, and I have no interest in telling people what should turn them on.

      I just don’t think what turns you on should be the definition for what constitutes a “real woman” or a “good body” or a “bad body” or anything else.

  12. 23/04/12 at 16:10

    The point of lingerie for many of us is to make us feel good about our bodies. The policy of not allowing body snark is completely in line with why most of us shop for lingerie to begin with.

    I’m in complete agreement with the new policy.

    • 24/04/12 at 11:20

      Thanks for the comment, Melody! You’ve summed up what I was trying to say in a sentence.

  13. 23/04/12 at 17:08

    A+, gold star, and 2 big thumbs up. Thanks for speaking out.

  14. Caitlin
    23/04/12 at 17:50

    I completely agree and think you’ve done this in a very tasteful and respectful manner. Keep up the amazing work!

  15. 23/04/12 at 17:57

    Well said. When I talk to women about making dresses, I try to emphasize that custom dresses should be about loving how they adorn their own bodies- not wishing that they looked different. I try to keep my message very positive, while I talk to them during measuring, planning, and fittings. Women should try to love themselves more and not focus on the perfect image in their head.

  16. 23/04/12 at 18:11

    As someone who deeply internalizes body snark, and is just getting over the effects it’s had on her, I thoroughly appreciate this. I was just in a play where I wore a corset, and as a larger lady, I was afraid people might not see me as beautiful or think I should be wearing what I was wearing. But that was in accordance with the character. And I think that corset looks great on me. And I wasn’t going to let my fear and insecurities keep me from wearing a gorgeous corset.

    So bravo and keep it coming. This plus sized lady loves you for it.

  17. Nay
    23/04/12 at 18:36

    Thank you for taking a public stance on this issue. As someone who has been diagnosed with an eating disorder I often get triggered while perusing fashion and lingerie blogs by body policing and body snark. All bodies are good bodies!

  18. Brin
    23/04/12 at 19:03

    Isn’t this the golden rule anyway? Treat others as you wish to be treated! Want to be beautiful? Make others feel beautiful. :)

  19. 23/04/12 at 19:33

    Unless I’ve missed something, I’ve always taken TLA’s *posts* as a Snark-Free Zone.
    Now, some of the Comments left up in the spirit of healthy debate.. Yeah, I suppose if I looked I could find a few to make me cringe. The type of person who’d like Snark would probably accuse you of going ‘all-PC’ on them, but if the only way one can make a point is to be mean-spirited, maybe one needs to work a bit harder.

    And, yes, it’s Bullying. And, yes, it can and does hurt adults. I’ve witnessed it it in others, and seen what it can do to a loved one. It’s not pretty. I hope I’ve never taken part in it thinking I was only being funny.

    There are plenty of other sites on-line where Snark thrives, and is often encouraged. I’m sure anyone truly disappointed can find more than a few of them.

    Thanks, Treacle

  20. 23/04/12 at 20:43

    Go Treacle! <3

  21. John
    23/04/12 at 20:50

    I appreciate and respect what you are doing. My question is whether you agree it is OK to appreciate one body type. I for example love full figured woman while not degrading other body types.

    • 24/04/12 at 11:12

      I address that in the article, John. See below:

      “Women come in a range of shapes and sizes, and while you don’t have to think they’re all beautiful (people are entitled to their personal preferences after all), this current climate of listing all the ways women’s bodies are ugly and deficient (too much cellulite, too thin, too fat, too many wrinkles, too old, too light, too dark, etc.) is one I can’t get behind.”

  22. contrarian corsetry
    23/04/12 at 22:19

    Thank you. I think it is welcome and necessary.

    ~tomi

  23. beangirl
    23/04/12 at 22:38

    I agree that I’ve never interpreted this blog as supporting body snark in any way, but I also appreciate the direct statement that you don’t. This just reinforces why I like this blog in the first place.

  24. 24/04/12 at 8:33

    Great news, Treacle. Thank you for putting so much time and thought into this post and the new policy. People need to start realizing that you can’t just go round treating others like crap.

  25. Cookie
    24/04/12 at 8:36

    I just recently discovered your blog as I have just recently admitted to myself that I am a lingerie addict. You are very welcoming! I love your articles, tips and places to go to feed my habit. I love this blog and keep up the good work!!

  26. Lenore
    24/04/12 at 10:09

    Women are their own worst snarkers. If many of us said out loud to others the things we say internally to ourselves, we’d be called out for emotional abuse. I say we quit ALL body snark! Be nice to your body, it’s a miracle of nature….

  27. Elie
    24/04/12 at 13:15

    You rock.

  28. 24/04/12 at 13:24

    I wish I could give you a BIG hug right now Trea, because this is such a wonderful decision you’ve made and such a subject I, too, am passionate about!

    Body snark IS bullying and I think it’s morally and ethically wrong to condemn a woman (or anyone for that matter) for being different! We are ALL different and that’s the way life is; why do some people have to take that and make it something negative when it’s the most beautiful gift we’re given?

    You and your blog work to make woman feel beautiful and that’s something that I think is so wonderful :)

    Thank you for all you’ve done so far and kudos for taking this step!

  29. 25/04/12 at 10:18

    Very well said Treacle! Women everywhere are applauding this post. I especially love the sign you created. Just brilliant, many thanks for this.

  30. 25/04/12 at 22:21

    Fabulous article! Thank you so much for writing it!

  31. 26/04/12 at 19:39

    Echoing all the above sentiments, bravo, and well done, and 100% support right here xoxo

  32. 27/05/12 at 22:30

    This is my new favourite blog. I think parts of it should be required reading for every young entering puberty. I wish I had messages like this when I was a chubby 10 year old and wearing a 36 B underwire. It would have saved me years of personal body snarking.

    • 27/05/12 at 22:47

      Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment, Laura! I’m so glad you appreciate what we’re doing here on The Lingerie Addict.

  33. Ksenia
    21/06/12 at 16:27

    Amen.

    Lady blogs should make us feel sexy and awesome, not a place to be jugded by an arbitrary standard.

    All blogs should do this and body snark, begone! :)

  34. 23/06/12 at 11:33

    Love it! Adding it to my page right now :)

  35. 04/11/12 at 21:56

    Found this site today while helping my wife launch her new lingerie business and have a lot of respect for this post in particular. It’s a great message that strikes at people who, in their own insecurity, insult the world’s beautiful diversity with hurtful words spoken in absolute terms favorable to them. That important lesson of standing up to people who push to narrowly define the world according to them is applicable in many contexts.

    Commenting just within the context of this post, I know from my bachelor days hanging out with the boys that men diverge greatly on what we consider physically beautiful. One man’s “too skinny” is another man’s type. What I observed to be universal is the attraction to women confident in THEIR beauty (in all its forms). What attracts me to my wife the most is how certain she is that we will always make each other happy. For me, the most enticing thing when my wife puts on lingerie isn’t how it looks; it’s the confidence she expresses in simply putting it on for me.

  36. Cream Libertine
    07/12/12 at 16:25

    I am relatively new to TLA but I have to say that this article brought a tear to my eye. For about 10 years I have been trying to come to terms with what my body will and won’t do then about 3 years a go I discovered the comfort of silk and lace and boning and corsetry…My life turned around from that point. My body does what it has to do and in lingerie, it looks good while it does it!
    I also have been a Body Snark about various TV presenters and characters in the media, only whilst muttering to myself getting ready for work and watching the news or picking over a magazine. For this I am ashamed. The way a person looks does not affect their ability to do a job well or love or laugh. I vow to correct my way of thinking even if I am alone and no one can hear me… I hear me.

  37. jess
    21/01/13 at 9:41

    after years of being ridiculed for my body both by myself and others, i’m so happy to see a stand like this.

    i’m an a cup, a b on “a good day” as i put it. for years, i felt inadequate because i never thought anyone would find me attractive with a curve-less, “too-tiny” body, and was even told so. i feared having a boyfriend because i thought he would never be satisfied with how i look, and push-ups can only do so much.

    it’s taken me years to grow into and accept my body, but i finally do. i don’t feel the need to wear a bra that would make me look like i “have something”, though i do own them for use at my own discretion, mainly when my clothes need it . i don’t fear going out without a bra and feeling like a prepubescent girl when i’m nearly nineteen –if it’s seventy or above, and i’d rather not wear one, i go bra-less, with a bandeau or bralette at best. i even found a boy who not only loves my personality, but every inch of my body, just the way it is.

    it always frustrated me that these movements were always so focused on accepting heavier women and curves –yes, they are beautiful; yes, some of the most gorgeous women i have ever seen are considered plus-size in today’s industry. but, that doesn’t mean those of us who are a little less endowed are any less a woman, or any less attractive.

    needless to say, if i wasn’t already hooked on your website, this will certainly keep me here.

  38. cndneh
    28/03/13 at 19:15

    I just stumbled upon your website, and this post in particular. I’m so glad you posted this and I wish more people would read it. I’ve bookmarked you page and can’t wait to read more!

    :)

  39. Meredith
    20/04/13 at 16:54

    Website bookmarked. I’m 5’10″ and 120lbs and am so tired of hearing that I’m not a real woman because I’m not curvy enough for someone on the internet. It means so much to me to find a website that is body positive regardless of body shape.

  40. Norma
    25/04/13 at 12:10

    Brin says it all too. I have a little 3 year old girl who is starting to “preen” in front of the mirror about how beautiful she is and how she is a “princess” (I don’t know where she gets it from I and her father are not that way at all….just the exact opposite). I agree with my daughter that she is beautiful and a princess….. when she is treating her brothers nicely and using her good manners. I fear that she will become “full of herself” if I don’t address this behavior now as constructively as possible without being negative. My husband and I have had a hard life with lots of bullying and want to stop the cycle with our children. Are we going about it the wrong way? I would like your opinion.

    I love lingerie and your website. I had twin boys (7lbs 3oz and 7lbs 11oz ) November 2011. I still look pregnant (to me anyway) and feel just awful about my body. I don’t see what my husband sees…..he still wants me just as much as he did before we started having babies when I was 5’2″ and 135lbs solid muscle. I want to be some semblance of my former self but it will take some time…..my husband does not seem to miss it at all…..loves me just as much……maybe more. I am bewildered.

  41. Norma
    25/04/13 at 13:20

    The Lydia is for me. I like the green one.

  42. Ashley
    27/06/13 at 17:06

    This isn’t the first time I’ve seen this post, but I’d like to say this is one of the many reasons I love following you. I love lingerie, and I remember times when I’ve walked into shops and gotten dirty looks from saleswomen, or heard whispers about how gross it was that I was looking at sexy clothing. I remember realizing that no matter how you looked, someone was going to find reasons to comment. Lingerie makes me feel beautiful, and it’s made me feel beautiful no matter the weight gains or losses, or my age, or how I look that day – it’s something that makes me feel happy and confident, and I see it as art. I really appreciate that you’ve created a safe place for all women to just focus on something they love, without hurt feelings or insecurities.

    • Ashley
      27/06/13 at 17:38

      *Actually let me correct that to “all people” :)

    • 27/06/13 at 22:45

      Thank you for believing in what we’re doing here! :-)

  43. Vicki
    27/06/13 at 17:55

    Thank you for making a Body Snark Free Zone, <3 love it

    • 27/06/13 at 22:45

      You’re welcome! Thank you for your support. :-)

  44. María
    24/07/13 at 11:50

    That reminds me of a song because sometimes by a 1cm you are no longer hourglass, or a bra size but another, otherwise fitted to category tall, and could be the case for women who feel bad about it or if are “normal” or plus size for that centimeter:
    Aterciopelados (from Colombia), “Estuche” (or pencil case):
    There is a commandment to be the diva of the moment (wow). Why work for a sculpted body,
    Do you want to feel all eyes on you?, What trigger wheezing happen? See the essence, not appearance. The body is just a case and window eyes. From our soul (our soul) imprisoned (hey). That all comes through the eyes say the surface, What’s inside is what counts. I feel in the air a scent spiritual. Winged Messengers trying to land, If you open the kit so you should find. It is a gem that will dazzle (ouch! But). 90-60-90, totaling two hundred and forty, Figures not to (not) take into account (hey). Do not be measured, do not be confused. Attention! Become assert = do not let the labels

    Thank you :-)

Leave a Comment

Thanks for leaving a comment! I love hearing from TLA readers.