How to Buy Lingerie for Your Partner
Today's guest post is by Annmarie, one of our longtime and most passionate readers (you've probably seen her comments on several blog posts). She identifies as bi-gender, which enables her to appreciate lingerie from different perspectives, and she's here to share her top tips for lingerie shopping with your partner with TLA readers.
A few weeks ago, Treacle tackled the issue of “why can’t women just buy lingerie for themselves,” quoting several article titles which associated lingerie exclusively with “bedroom lingerie.” Also mentioned in the article, and unfortunately proved by quite a few of the respondents, is that many partners don’t really care for, let alone have any appreciation for lingerie.
But sometimes it's the other way around. A person, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, might want to encourage their own lingerie-deprived partner to appreciate herself. But they’re not really sure how to start the “lingerie conversation” and they may be a little worried that their attempts come across as too crude or cheap or sexist or whatever. So if you’d like to get lingerie for your partner (whether it's for a special occasion, upcoming holidays, or just because) yet you're a little worried about how it will be received and understood, this article has a few things you may want to consider. And as someone who feels extremely lucky to be on both ends of giving and receiving lingerie, here are some tips I came up with over the years:
- I hope you already show your appreciation for your lover in all aspects of your life, as you really should! If you don't, getting lingerie out of the blue may seem awkward and disconnected.
- Never --- in fact EVER! --- initiate this lingerie conversation by getting your partner cheap, trashy, itchy, poorly made, ill-fitting lingerie of some sort. Aside from just being cheap, it may also come across as disrespectful.
- For that first piece of lingerie, think of getting something that is likely to make HER life better, not necessarily yours. In my experience lingerie daywear of some sort is a great start. Think of a beautiful, comfortable bra with or without matching knickers, a pretty slip or camisole, or just a gift card while assuring her it is all about her.
Showing your lover you view lingerie first and foremost as something for her own convenience and style is likely to boost her “lingerie confidence” and make her venture into trying new items.
- After you’ve successfully done steps 1 through 3 and you think it's time for “bedroom lingerie,” you want to once again show your appreciation. Something like a lovely silk chemise or a nightgown, accompanied with a matching robe, is a good way to do just that. The most important thing is choosing an item based on what you two are comfortable with... though I would suggest delaying getting the lace teddy and stockings to some other point down the road. After all, patience and trust will provide plenty of opportunities for more "boudoir" items in the future.
- After establishing some “lingerie trust” and figuring out what styles you both like, make a plan to go lingerie shopping together. Choose a store you both like and feel comfortable shopping in, be that a small lingerie boutique or a department store. This is also a great way to make an intimate, fun date by combining it with dinner or drinks before and/or after, discuss the different styles on the spot, maybe even include a sneak preview in the dressing room.
Most of all, remember these four words: trust, intimacy, empowerment, and beauty. After all, that's what lingerie is all about!